Stud vs. Slut: Sexual Double Standards (an article)

Recently, a friend told me that he has decided to remain celibate for two months, the reason being that he ‘gets bored of girls quickly’, and wanted to give his vigorous libido a rest in order to fully appreciate the next pretty young thing that comes along. I wasn’t troubled at his inability to remain monogamous, or his disposable attitude towards women, but rather, the freedom he had to express these things without being deemed a ‘slag’. I asked out of interest, ‘So what would happen if a girl stood up and said the same? That she too got tired of the same men, so was always on the look out for some fresh action?’
My friend confirmed without hesitation, yes, she would seem a bit ‘easy’. This double standard is so subtly ingrained into our culture that people are not even shocked when you point it out.

Obviously, since the rise of the contraceptive pill, women have the chance to be more free with their sex life, eliminating the risk of pregnancy and therefore being able to share their beds with whoever they want, whenever they want. Sex shops such as Ann Summers have become the norm, there is no shame in buying a gadget designed purely for pleasure. Women’s magazines frequently boast ‘the hottest sex tips’, encouraging us all to channel our inner sex goddesses (as well as become great cooks). So no one denies that women like sex. However there seems to be an impression that women’s sexuality is not wild and innate, but submissive, only occasionally simmering into action with an outside male influence.

Everyone knows the cliché that men think about sex every seven seconds, so therefore treat them accordingly. Well of course he’s cheated on that girl, you know what men are like, they think with their dicks! Why do women not get the same excuse of thinking with their vaginas? I am not commending infidelity in any way, but I am highlighting the bias there is towards men when they make reckless decisions based on their horniness. Men get a slap on the wrist and a jovial piss-take, women get cast out of friendship groups and labelled damaged goods. There is an ignorant image of men being totally helpless when faced with the promise of sex, meaning it is in the woman’s hands; does she initiate it? Is she the one acting keen? It is the same issue that is dealt with when rapists say that women are ‘asking for it’ by dressing provocatively. Even that term, ‘provocatively’, insinuates a lack of control on the male side, as if the woman ‘provokes’ a man into a dumb, glazed-over state of arousal. 

The media, as always, is a powerful and insidious influence on social prejudices. Consider the rule about ‘not sleeping with someone on the first date’, drilled-in by numerous rom-coms and teen dramas. OK, if the guy is a total arsehole then he might perceive you as being ‘too easy’, but then he is clearly not worth pursuing. There’s no reason why your captivating personality and sexual confidence can’t entice him into a second meeting. Why can’t women be strong and independent whilst wanting sex? Why is there this idea that a woman ‘let’s’ a man have sex with them, as if it is a chore or a commodity, and more worryingly as if the ability to abstain from a few hours of fun means you are worthy of a relationship? I am not advocating careless, self-destructive flippancy towards who you share your body with, but a clarity and strength towards what you want, and having the courage to act on it.

All of these issues I have encountered through my own personal experience, so what if we look at it from a more scientific angle? I recently read an extract from Daniel Bergner’s new book, ‘What Women Want’ where he describes an experiment investigating sexual arousal in men and women. Participants of both sexes were shown various pornographic videos, of straight couples, gay and lesbian, and bonobos. The blood flow to their genitals were measured at each stage, and they were also asked to rate their level of arousal. What is interesting is that the women were aroused- physiologically speaking- at every clip that was shown, yet denied that they were turned on by them all. The scores for the men on the other hand matched up completely, their bodies and minds were in tune. This suggests that there is much more to female sexuality than we might think. Bergner suggests that this indicates a suppression of desire, stemming from the conviction that women are not as inherently sexual as men. This belief has subordinated women in society for centuries.

Women’s sexuality is not a commodity, it should not be objectified or used as an indication of moral worth. We need to start viewing women as sexual creatures too, not just in the context of male satisfaction, but with deep-rooted desires that deserve to be fulfilled without judgement.